Sword and Kishuus Potion Class!
by TwystedCareBear
Summary: Make potions with our favorite alien and rabid fangirl! It's PG-13 just to be safe. I don't want Little timmys mother yelling at me for the things 'I' say to Kishuu and my giggling. Chapter 3 now up! I'm thinking of doing 4 or 5 chapters O.o
1. Lesson 1 Love Potion!

Hey guys! I wanna make up for all that fanfic I didn't do, so here's a new one... (I guess you could guess from the title) Anyways. Yeah. It's called 'Kishuu and Sword's Potion Class'. I sorta stole this idea from Kumiko-san (Dream-cloudstar)... (gets on knees and begs) PLEASE DONT KILL ME!!

Kishuu- Oh great. I get to be in another fanfic with you...

Sword- I know you prefer me in my mew mew version but it's just not nice to do that to your girlfriend!

Kishuu- ?? You're my...??

Sword- READ THE FANFIC DUDE! Jeez Louise!

Kishuu- Whos Louise? Is it someone I should know about? Are you the other way, Sword?

Sword- NO YOU SICKMINDED LITTLE ALIEN! But I still love you, you intensley kawaii dreamboat...

Narator (who is never ever used)- Um... the fanfic...

Sword- O.K! HERES CHAPTER ONE- THE LOVE POTION!

XxX-The Love Potion-XxX

O.Kie, so here's what you do. First, you need to find-

One lovesick and slightly rabid fangirl, who must be named Sword in order for it to work. Since there's only one fangirl named Sword on here, we grabbed... ME! (sits in bowl and smiles) ;; (whisper) I'm not paid enough for this... I mean, I can understand being put in a bowl... but being dressed in this fake plasteeky looking kimono? Give me a break, man!!

Then you must get a cute/hot/etc. guy from a manga, that Sword must like to work. We used Kishuu because he's her most loved and the only one who we could shoot with a tranqulizer dart...

Sword- SHH! I've got Naozumi in my closet if Kishuu tries to run away...

Kishuu- ? Naozumi...?

Sword- YOU DIDNT HEAR THAT! (transforms into Flame, who will be used in a later fanfic) MEMORY BURN! KYA!

Kishuu- (is hit by the burning flames that burn his memory) o.o;; Urm. I don't feel any different...

Sword- SHUT UP!!

Last but not least you need a bunch of flowers, a blanket, a tube of orange, pink, and red lipgloss, a watermelon, and SLINKIES!

Kishuu- But why slinkies?

Sword- (dies because Pokemon came on in its terrible dubbiness) Um... (lives again) BECAUSE SlINKIES ARE FUN!

Kishuu- And the blanket?

Sword- To keep me warm! We have to freeze the potion while we're still in it you know... (sticks out tounge) You get to freeze! You're so cute when you're freezing cold!

Kishuu- I guess I can't ask about the watermelon?

Sword- That's right! BACK TO CLASS!

When you've inserted the ingredients, stir well. (demonstation)

Sword- (is being stirred) (puts hands up in the air) Whoo whoo whooo whooo... Am I allowed to puke?

Kishuu- You should know... you're making this thing... (pukes out the side of the bowl)

WELL! You've stirred them up! Next comes the good part- freezing! Place the bowl inside a freezer set to -40 degrees waddafumgious. Make sure the ingredients, hot alien, and lovesick-but-slightly-rabid fangirl are still inside.

Sword- (wraps blanket around her) WHOO WE'RE BEING FROZEN! How awesome, right honey? (looks at Kishuu)

Kishuu- (is freezing) I'm in a skimpy alien outfit! Can I have a blanket...?

(a large blanket is thrown at Kishuu and Swords is taken away)

Kishuu- Why is it so large... and why is Swords gone? OH NO!!! o.o;;

Sword- (giggle)

Now the freezing is complete, and Sword has kissed Kishuu, which gives the potion an extra kick! Now... we take out the rabid fangirl and extremely hot alien and melt the potion. If you did it correctly it will look like chicken noodle soup from CAMPBELLS! Which I don't own, sadly, so don't sue. Campbells belongs to... the Campbell dude... o.o;; Anywho...

Drink the love potion and stare at a picture of your hottie for a few hours... if you're lucky..

Sword- (cuts in) YOUR HOTTIE WILL COME TO YOU! Just not my Kishuu... he's mine...

Kishuu- Actually I wouldn't mind a new girlf-

Sword- SHUT UP!

XxX I hope you liked our first class! Yes yes I'm very rabid... sorry sorry. (huggles Kishuu) mine mine mine!XxX


	2. Lesson 2 Time Potion!

Sword-chan- Hello! I'm back with Kishuu And Swords Potions Class- LESSON 2!

Kishu- ::is obviously scared::

Sword-chan- No worries, dude. We have it aaaallllll planned this time

Kishu- I don't think that's good, coming from YOU!

Sword-chan- That's just not nice to do...

Kishuu- I'd rather be in another fanfic right now...

Sword-chan- Let me guess...

::Together::- STRANDED by Krys! (Is to lazy and sort of can't remember full name XP) OR AN EVEN TRADE by

Kishuu- How'd you know...?

Sword-chan- You and Ichigo both lost something... But I can't say or else my rating might have to go up or I may scarr some poor innocent kid... ::sing songs the barney song::

Kishuu- ::dies::

Ahem. I DO NOT OWN TOKYO MEW MEW. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS EXCEPT MYSELF AND MY FANCHARACTERS. THIS IDEA (Potions Class) WAS INSPIRED BY PURIN AND TARUTOS COOK BOOK AND HARRY POTTER- I DO NOT OWN THOSE EITHER. PURIN AND TARUTOS COOKBOOK IS OWNED BY- wait a minnit... ::thinks:: I can't remember. I just don't own it... it's in the last chapter. Harry Potter is owned by J.K Rowling... and I belong to... me... I hope... and my fancharacters belong to... me o.0

XxXGo Back In Time PotionXxX

Yay! This is one Kishuu could use the next time...

Kishuu- YOU AGREED TO SHUT UP ABOUT THAT!!

Sword-chan- I may be rabid but I'd never tell. What kind of twinky do you take me for?

Kishuu- Twinkies taste good... o.0 Hey, when's the next time I'll be in an actual fanfic?

Sword-chan- Soon. I plan to pair you with Ichigo or Minto...

Kishuu- NOO! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ICHIGO!!!

Sword-chan- Well... I do have a vision with some type of fruit...

Kishuu- o.o!

Sword-chan- With Ryou and Keiichiro o.O;;

Kishuu- o.o;; You scare me.

Sword-chan- I don't think I'll publish it anyways ::shrug:: ON WITH THE FANFIC!

XxX:Ingredients:XxX

1 piece of swiss army cheese (Don't ask... ::is obsessed with Punkys kissekae::)

2 clocks (one a grandfather and the other alarm clock... any type, any type. Just as long as it doesn't have the color orange, blue, or puce on it)

A pair of socks

A Magic 8 Ball and...

Peach sherbet with no artificial flavoring.

XxX:Neccesary (But not exactly logical or sane) Equpiment:XxX

Sanity (Told you a lot of this stuff made no sense. Who needs sanity? Kishuu- YOU, apparently...)

(A/N- Oh God. A child went missing in Oxford, Wisconsin. I'm not sure if it's near where I am, but she's got light blue eyes, blonde hair, is about 5"7, was born November 8th, 1987, was last seen wearing a pink halter or tank top with a button up shirt over it... she may be traveling in a light blue chevy with a Wisconsin lisence plate. I forget the lisence, and I forget who she's believed to be with, but if you see anyone or anything matching that discription call 911 and say you have information on Kayla L. Jeen (Or Jean, or Deen, or Dean. It sounds something like that... Stay safe, and wear a ring that looks like you have a husband or boyfriend or something, because it's common for an abducter to not abduct you if they believe they have someone like that to protect you... ::shrug:: )

Hands

And umbrella (bowls are to small)

A spoon (for the sherbet)

A mallet (for the magic 8 ball)

Insanity (For obvious reasons)

And voodoo dolls that looks like Hilary Duff, Mr.Kahn (A.K.A boss of 4-Baka), and _C.J (!!!!!)_ to pass time.

Kishuu- o.o? Obsessive much?

Sword-chan- Yez indeedy. (F.Y.I- C.J is an old crush... that I used to obsess over... he was smart but low on common sense. He ran on the ice to impress a girl named Laci, and he fell flat on his face. And the next year he liked someone totally different... jeez Anyways, he made a cool voodoo doll! ::stabs it with numerous pins::)

Kishuu- ::backs away slowly:: ::breaks into a run:: SAAAAVEEE MEEE!!!

Sword-chan- Oh no you don't! ::pulls you backwards:: You have to stay to observe. We won't be frozen together again, don't worry... Anyways... ::clears throat::

Pour the sherbet into the umbrella and eat some... to even it out. After it gets melty and sticky, throw in the clocks and mix. Take the magic 8 ball, break open with mallet, and let the... um... whatever is in Magic 8 balls drain into the mix. Pretty gross, huh? It should be a green-purple-blue-yellow. NOW YOU GET TO DRINK IT! Pretty gross huh? But here's the thing. Want to go back an hour, drink one cup, and so on. Take my adivce- don't try to see exactly how you were born. Both the drink and what you will see is GROSS! Ah review replies! Yeah!

James Birdsong- I'm crazy... And on your review to You Are My Lollipop... I have a way of doing things... hope that's not a problem o.o

Reviews you wrote on Mew 5 V. England- It was my first fanfic... I had major writers block with it being su—gah my mom needs to learn how to control he whiney voice... ::sticks out tounge::- summer and all... I get low on inspiration in the summer because I don't interact with actual people a lot. O.O I do a lot of school-year writing when I should be doing my homework...

HM- ::fears Bobo:: What DOES HM stand for anyways? Is it just like hmm... or does it stand for something? ::is disturbed:: maybe HOT MALE? Or Hot MAIL? Or... Holy Monster??? O.O Help me I'm dieing. I'm pretty nice to Kishuu... considering I'm going to try and write a special Kichigo fanfic for him... It probably won't have fruit in it... but it'll have to be rated high to be safe... and I plan to use a certain plant... O.o You'll see.

FIN! That was pretty short, wasn't it? Yeup yeup. Well... there's not much to this. Please give me ideas for potions! CHI CHI CHI! NEED IDEAS!


	3. Lesson 3 School in a bottle!

Sword-chan- . Hi guys!! It's another class of... SWORD AND KISHUUS POTION CLASS!

Kishuu- What about that Kichigo fanfic you promised me...?

Sword-chan- ::gets all depressed:: ::manga styled gloom-and-doom:: I despise my 4-years-out-of-date-laptop...

Kishuu- o.O O.K. Don't mention the word ::mouths Kichigo::. She'll look around and think her computer will crash... then run around screaming, practically strangle Taruto-chan, and then... Oh god that was the worst experience of my LIFE! I'll put it up at the end of this series for payback with that Anastasia thing... ::cough:: wench ::cough::

Sword-chan- ::nod:: For some reason my laptop doesn't like it when things aren't PG-13 or lower. ::death glare:: But I will get chapter one of it finished! ::makes peace sign:: I changed the title to Perfection's Flaw. I might put it in Japanese. ::shrug:: Not that you care heh heh.

X.x.X- Sword-chan's Easy School-In-a-Bottle!-X.x.X

Sword-chan- ::advertises:: Have you ever wanted to learn in a few minutes, no hassle, just have it implanted in your brain? NOW YOU CAN! WITH MY EASY-SCHOOL-IN-A-BOTTLE! ::speaks very, very, veeeeery fast:: I am not responsible for extra body parts, head enlargment, gender confusion, change of gender and/or sudden possession of numerous bits of infected wood! ::normal speed:: Enjoy! Learning- Made Easy! Comes in Apple, Blueberry, Raspberry, Orange, and DRY CATFOOD! ::does the square-dance of joy::

Kishuu- This doesn't sound good...

Sword-chan- Indeed indeed. Alright, DOWN TO BUISINESS! ::is sporting lawyer outfit and glasses, and my hair is in a b-e-a-utiful bun!::

So, you need to get your flavoring of choice- apple, orange, rasperry, blueberry, or dry catfood. Those are the only flavors that work, besides one other one, but it isn't exactly... safe o.o-, a cup, a medium-sized snake (for no particular reason), a mouse (for the snake, who is there for no particular reason), water, yak milk, a voodoo doll that oddly-resembles Hilary Duff-

Kishuu- NOT THIS AGAIN!

Sword-chan- Oh yeah... ::burns off dolls head and giggles madly:: (No offense to people who like Hilary Duff... But... she does make a rather nice voodoo doll... ::evil grin::)-

a large sword taken straight from the last existing and not-fake samurai's hands (::cough:: Tranquilizer ::cough:: dart ::cough cough::), and a woman named Esthel. Make sure you have a chair availible. If you want extra zing take the hair from the smartest person in your... school class grade whatever.

Put Esthel in the chair and FORCE HER to tape this making of school-in-a-bottle. As you stick millions of pins through Hilary Duff's eyes, attempt to feed the mouse to the snake. Kishuu, that's YOUR job!

Sword-chan- ::runs to the other end of the room:: GOOD LUCK KISHUU!!

Kishuu- ::is bitten by the snake:: Wow, you really MUST love me Sword-chan... ::rolls eyes:: ::arm is strangley revived::

Snake- ::snaps up mouse::

Aaah aaannnnywaaaaaays, now that we're finished we get out that flavoring and smash it to **_atoms_** and put it into the cup. Pour in the water immediately after, and then do the dance of water pouring into atoms of flavoring things.

Sword-chan- ::does the dosey-doe:: YIPEE AYE YO-EE-OH! ::puts on cowboy hat and boots::

Kishuu- ::is dressed- by force- in cow suit, complete with floppy ears:: This... is... torture...

Sword-chan- Aaw but you're so cute! And besides, it's nothing to... ::singsong:: ONCE UPON A DECEEMBER!

After making a total fool of yourself- erm... I mean- after doing the water pouring into atoms of flavoring things dance, you're ready to put the stuffing of Hilary Duff in! Because being **to** smart has it's downside, y'know. Also it gets you big headed and boasty. ::cough:: Anyways... put in the yaks milk, and stir at the speed of sound...

Sword-chan- ::bursts into song- City Escape, a Sonic song:: FLOATING AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND... ::a few minutes later:: I DONT CARE WHAT LIES AHEAD NO TIME FOR GUESSES/GUESSING FOLLOW MY PATH INSTEAD TAKE MY LEAD I'LL SET YOU FREE FOLLOW ME SET ME FREE TRUST ME AND WE WILL ESCAPE FROM THE CITY—

Kishuu- SHUT UP ALREADY!!! ::puts hand over Sword-chan's mouth::

Sword-chan- ::muffled:: I need to host this you know! ::slobbers over hand::

Kishuu- AH! GROSS! ::withdraws hand:: I'M CONTAMINATED!! ::puts hand in boiling water then icy cold::

Now that it is speedily-stirred- and maybe all around the room- you're ready to put it up your nose!

Sword-chan- ::puts it up her nose and tilts head back:: Wait for it to rush to your brain... Aah there we go... And...

Kishuu- You aren't any more intelligent!

Sword-chan- That's cauz I'm already SMART!

Kishuu- Riiight. Can I go home now?

Sword-chan- NOPE! That's the end of one more lesson! ::plays theme song::

Kishuu- We have a theme song?

Sword-chan- Now we do! It's... CITY ESCAPE!

Kishuu- Really...?

Sword-chan- AND I SING IT!

Kishuu- NUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! ::runs away and puts rock over head for protection::

XxXCome Back Next Time FOR—wait... I need to reply to reviews! On all my fanfics!XxX

Crazy-freak-o-maniac- Heh heh I'm writing one. But it's going bad . Augh!

Hm- Aaw puh-leeze tell me? Krysofdeath is awesome! If she ever needs a cat in a hamster suit I'll be there! WHOOT!

Mint-loving-my-piekun- Since you begged I'll try a little harder to keep my computer from hating me heh heh. Minto and Pai... is interesting... but my next fanfic- after my Kichigo, Mew Mew's Meet With 4-Aho/Baka/Kids, and MIM (Mew Instant Messaging)- I'm doing a kodomo no omocha! I think!


	4. Lesson 4 Crappy And Good Fic Potion!

Sword-chan- Kay, now that Saiken is done I can work on the last two chapters of… SWORD AND KISHUUS POTION CLASS! How to make a shitty fanfic and a good one! MWAHAHAHA!!! I be mashing two into one chapter! MWAHAHA!!!

Kishuu- Whaddo I hafta do so I do NOT get humiliated at the end of the last chapter?

Sword-chan- THERE IS NO WAY AROUND MY WRATH! MWAHAHA!! :: goes insane with power ::

Kishuu- u.u Great.

Sword-chan- You made a great Anastasia, though

Kishuu- And you made a great—

Sword-chan- NO I DON'T! :: smile :: Yall just have to wait!!

X.x.X- How To Make A SHITTY FANFIC! -X.x.X

Sword-chan- Excuse moi's french above. Anyways… we start with- PRECAUTIONS!

Pre-Cautions- :: speak very quickly :: Iamnotresponsileforanyflames,deletionsofficcy,threataningemailsand/orrandomvoodoodollsofyousuddenly!

Mwahaha. Anywho, that should cover any legal issues! And, for the record, let's say I own Kishuu and his soul. Let's just see what happens. Maybe, if I get sued enough, Ikumi and Yoshida will have the money to go and kill 4-Kids! WHOOO! Right. So lets get to the INGREDIANTS (They're the fun part!)

X.x.X- Ingrediants -X.x.X

Sugar

A lemon

A lime

A lollipop

Your grandma or your grandmas ghost

Ivy leaves

Dead flies

OLD NAVY JEANS! (I don't own Old Navy, but I have a few pairs of jeans from them. I love the baggy ones that look like Hyolees, just cuz I think Hyolee is pretty. :: shrug :: I ish jealous and was thrilled when I found I have jeans she wore in a photoshoot)

Xtra Luckee Chocolate (I used a cereal name generater and found this interesting!)

Pills that make you stupid

Popcorn (For the pop-songish, corny lines you'll be inserting!)

X.x.X- Some Other Stuff I Think You'll Need -X.x.X

A crud load of sugary, corny fluff.

An off note choir

Lemon that comes way to fast

Corny lines

Chatspeak in script form.

Stupid comebacks to flames

**_WAY _**Out of character characters.

CUCUMBERS!

Hands

A computer

A word program (Notepad, wordpad, word, proword… etc, etc.)

Internet connection

Idiot- I DONT THINK I HAVE IT!!! OMB!!!1111

Sword-chan- :: hits with rolled up magizine :: Quiet, my exper—Pet idiot!

Kishuu- What she means to say is- HOW THE HECK ARE YOU READING THIS WITHOUT INTERNET?

Sword-chan- … good one.

Clean socks

A bucket (to throw up in after reading your terrible creation)

Paper (To write your will for when mad flamers are about to dispose of you)

Sanity

Sword-chan- That doesn't make sense, though, since I'm writing this and I'm not sane. I'm just not legally INSANE.

Kishuu- … idiot.

Sword-chan- YOURE JUST JEALOUS CAUSE THEY ONLY TALK TO ME! NEE HEE HEE!

Kishuu- Say wha?

Sword-chan- :: holds pineapple up to ear :: What is that Bob? Ah. Bob thinks you have problems. :: nods at Bob ::

Green tea (to dump down your nose)

X.x.X- The Potion making -X.x.X

Get out a bowl and put in your clean socks… because socks are for squares. Anyways, now that you're barefoot, it'll be easier. Fill the bowl with hot water. The idiots—I mean, our demonstrator and all mighty authoress will demonstrate.

Kishuu- :: fills bowl with hot water while Sword-chan takes off socks. They are yellow today… no lie ::

Socks- :: currently taking a bath in hot water ::

Anyways, now that you've got that done, pour every ounce of sugar you have, meaning white sugar, candy, anything with sugar.

Sword-chan- :: smiles while throwing sisters lipgloss in ::

Kishuu- Those have sugar?

Sword-chan- They smell like it…

Mix well until you have liquified sugar… actually, sugar tainted water. But whatever. It still works. U.u Squeeze the lemons and limes until they are shrivled. DO NOT GET ANY IN YOUR E—

Sword-chan- OW! MY EYE! MY EYE! I'M BLIIIINNNNNDDDD!!

Kishuu- :: mops at Sword-chan's eye with washcloth ::

Sword-chan- I CAN SEE! KISHUU IS A MIRACLE MAKER! WHOOOOOOAAAAA!!!

Kishuu- Uh, not really…

Sword-chan- YOU MEAN SANTA MAKES WISHES? (Long story. J-Rock RPG experiance. Bad accent interfering with English) Crush the pills and throw them in. There is an off note choir, yes? Make sure they're singing 'Ring Around The Rosie'- off note of course- while their fingers are in their ears. Now yell at them to shut up, and if they don't, throw them to your man eating dog. Put dead flies and ivy leaves in a pair of jeans from old navy, wash on delicate, then throw in bowl. Make sure you THROW them in the bowl. Pop some pop corn, eat a few kernals…

Kishuu- Sword-chan, it said a FEW.

Sword-chan- I know. A few HUNDRED.

AHEM! Then put them in bowl. Watch in awe as the soak and vanish, all soggy like. Like your lollipop and stick it in Grandmas hair, or throw it through her ghost. Take the bowl and dump a small portion of it down your man eating dogs nose. Mix a little bit longer, then open up wide and drink… Now sit down on your butt, and TYPE THAT SHITTY FANFIC!

X.x.X- How To Make An Excellent FanFic -X.x.X

INGREDIANTS-

Good, timed lemon (optional)

Good, sweet fluff

A bit of comedy

A dash of tears

Maybe some tragedy

I suppose it'd be o.k to add your grandfather or his ghost into this concoction.

A piece of hair from someone you know loves you or your fics

Other stuff-

Computer

Internet connection (Leik, no way!)

Time to write the fanfic

A word program

X.x.X

Kay, now… throw all the ingrediants in cup at once. That's right! ALL AT ONCE. Mix with egg beater… MIX THAT POTION! Then… Gasp… accidentally add a drop of CHEMICAL X, and since it was an ACCIDENT it was not listed in the ingrediants section. I ISH SO SPONTANIOUS! GASP!! Then freeze until it's basically a block of potion. A big, circular block. Slap the bottom of the cup until it comes out, shatters on the floor. Pick it up, dummy! Leave the dog hair on it, please. Now you've got yourself lovley cubes of a potion. Melt under heat ray gun until totally liquified, maybe a little syruppy. You have… OMB, the KEWLEST POTION EVER! MWAHAHA!

Kishuu- That was… short.

Sword-chan-… and stupid… LETS ROLL THE BLOOPER EXTRAS!

X.x.X- Bloopers! -X.x.X

(Shot of Kishuu in yellow dress, pigtails, and bright red lipstick. You also note all the candy in the background)

Kishuu- :: sings while dancing around in big swirls :: Once upon a December… I forget the rest of this totally gay song! Once upon a December… Taruto got his first candycane! Na na na na…

Sword-chan- :: tries not to laugh while filming :: :: to audience :: This may not look funny in writing, but seriously- IMAGINE!

Next Blooper…

Sword-chan- :: is thrown blanket from chapter… 1 or 2 :: :: doesn't catch :: Ah, o.kay, let's change this to 'food with Sword And Kishuu' and now it's 'How to Make Alien And Resigned Fangirl Pops' :: nods ::

Kishuu- How do I get myself into these hells?

Sword-chan- I **paid **you…

Kishuu- Ah… I remember… :: takes 9000 yen Sword-chan slipped him ::

Next!

… isn't there supposed to be a blooper here?

NEXT!!!

Sword-chan- :: is on sugar high after 33 grams of sugar from Lemon Iced Tea :: WHEE! AND DID I LIKE TELL YOU, I SAW THIS THUG AND HE WAS LIKE 'YO MUTHA IGOT LIKE A GUN' and I'm just like 'WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEE!' AND THEN I LIKE RUN AWAY AND THEN I FIND MYSELF IN A COMA! WHOOOOOOOOOEEEeEEEEEE!!!

…

Whoa.

Way.

To.

Much.

SUGAR! (not)

That seems to end it O.o


End file.
